


RE:Grettably  this planet has locals

by BrokenGlass201



Series: RE:Birth [6]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Hound doesn't know what road signs mean, Hound enjoys scouting around the new planet while Mirage worries, Ratchet scolds alot of people, Worldbuilding, trying to blend in with the locals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29414691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrokenGlass201/pseuds/BrokenGlass201
Summary: The Autobots gather and share their findings on the dingy little planet called Earth. Hound makes preparations to go scouting in more populated territory. Get's confused by traffic signs, distracted by deer and almost gets pulled over by a cop. It mostly goes well until it doesn’t.
Series: RE:Birth [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1437325
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wondered why RE:Ignite took ages? Well aside from general moments of writers block I was also working on this and some other things.  
> First chapter is pretty worldbuilding heavy.

It’d been seven stress filled solar-cycles since they’d landed on this very mushy organic planet. Seven solar-cycles of tending to wounded, mourning the deceased, clearing the wreckage, establishing the generators to create a synthetic energon supply and chasing up on everyone still alive. It had taken a while but the crashed Autobots had now somewhat found their footing and it was now time to decide their next move.

Optimus looked wearily around the meeting room with a melancholic ache in his chest. So many things went wrong and while they had lost many, he took comfort those around him were still alive. Of those that remained included his second in command; Jazz, who was to his right chatting to Blaster. Ironhide and Chromia were on his left their hands resting on the table _just_ apart from each other. Hound sat by Inferno (with no Red Alert in sight), a seat away was Wheeljack and Ratchet with his tactician Prowl sandwiched between the two looking his usual uncomfortable self whenever he had to venture beyond the sanctity of Teletran-1’s archives room. Despite losing none of his higher-ranking officers, the room felt empty, and it was. Where was Elita? Ultra Magnus? Kup? Xaaron? Impactor? Jetfire? And the many others who were spread out over Cybertron and the ever-reaching galaxy.

‘Well Now that we’ve all assembled, does anyone have anything they’d like to mention before we start?’ Asked the Autobot leader.

Inferno raised his hand. ‘I told ya earlier Prime but for everyone else, I’m standing in for Red Alert. He’s got a scan running over the entire planet and doesn’t want to miss when the results come it…should be ‘any moment now’ he added that last part in air quotes. Optimus wondered how long this ‘any moment now’ had been going on and decided against asking. Red Alert could be, highly fixated on things at times. ‘But he’ll be listening in so if ya want to ask him something- I’ll relay his answer.’ Without missing a beat Jazz waved good-naturedly at the camera. ‘Heya Red!’ He called out cheerfully.

‘Red said ‘Hi’.’ Replied Inferno and shook his head in amusement ‘He also said stay out of the vents and to tell Mirage to stop wandering around invisible all the time. Sideswipe crashed into him earlier today while running away from his brother.’ A confused look from Optimus prompted him to add ‘It’s really best you don’t ask.’

Jazz gave the camera a thumbs up ‘I’ll make sure to tell him when I see him next.’ Beside Inferno, Hound made a stifled snorting sound then recomposed himself with a cough.

The Prime nodded towards one of the cameras in acknowledgment then turned to the rest of his Autobots questioningly for any more pre-meeting comments. ‘Hot Rod managed to get his insides all clogged up with mud on his last scouting detail, don’t ask me how-he’s fine now, but if I have to purge his insides of that organic muck again this lunar-cycle I’m locking him in his room. Said Ratchet dryly, Ironhide let out an amused snort and Optimus couldn’t help letting out a sigh and let his head drop in defeat. Why was it always Hot Rod? ‘Alright.’ He concluded eager to begin the meeting so it will end ‘If nothing else let us begin. Blaster, How fares the communications systems?’

The grinning orange mech’s expression immediately soured ‘Long-range comms is still busted and will stay busted until we can replace like. Pretty much everything.’ The normally peppy mech pretty much spat out the last part making it no secret to anyone that the thing Blaster currently hated the most in the universe right now; was the broken long-range communications unit.

‘I see…’ Said the Prime ‘What about the short-range communications?’

To that the communications officer immediately perked up ‘Done and dusted! The technology on this planet is fairly primitive so setting up a secure line was a breeze. The only weird thing is that Teletran-1’s archived data of this planet doesn’t match what’s out there, so I’d just be wary about setting up a comms channel without running it by me just in case the locals have any secret toys they can use to spy on us.’

‘Good work Blaster, but what do you mean by the data not matching?’

‘Ahh. I’ll let Prowl take over from that.’ Answered the boombox tilting his head towards the Autobot’s third in command. Optimus looked at Prowl and the tactician stared back with his focused blue eyes. The two stared at each other as if locked in a staring contest each waiting for the other to say or do something. Beside the tactician, Ratchet frowned at Optimus and let out a low cough tapping a finger on the table. Optimus noticed and let out a guilty ‘ah’ before giving the tactician an encouraging nod ‘Prowl if you please?’

With a slight twitch of his door panels Prowl snaped out of his stare looking down to tap a couple buttons on his datapad resulting in a star chart appearing on the main screen. ‘Teletran-1’s initial data of this planet is sourced from the Galactic Council’s report of Class Zeta planets; planets with very primitive life forms and no significant technological advancements. This planet in particular, was surveyed about 70 million years ago was given the Zeta-5 rank and not been revisited since.’

Ironhide whistled ’70 million years? That _is_ some time. Council’s been slack.’

Prowl shook his head slightly ‘Evolution takes a long time in organics and this sector is extraordinarily quiet, this planet is the galaxy’s only planet with known active lifeforms. Besides the Galactic Council has been relatively preoccupied with… other matters.’ Replied Prowl without looking up from his datapad. He didn’t need to explain what the ‘other matters’ were. Everyone in the room was familiar with what it ment; them. ‘However, in those unrecorded 70 million years this planet has made surprisingly considerable advancements with the dominant species changing numerous times. Presently This planet is predominantly occupied by ‘ _Hoo-mans_ ’ and calculating their current technological state and advancements I theorise the planets class would be reclassed to a high Epsilon or low Delta Class upon resurvey.’

‘But even if the ranking has changed, if this planet’s current class is a Zeta, then that means it’s technically still under Galactic Council protection and will remain so until being resurveyed.’ Concluded Hound slowly.

‘Correct, which means if they discover us here, they will kill first and ask questions later regardless of our circumstance. The Galactic Council doesn’t take excuses on these matters. In their eyes we are invading a primitive planet despite our actual circumstance. In short we do not want to attract any attention.’

‘If we’re lucky they’ll continue to do what they’ve been doing and ignore this sector entirely.’ Grunted Ironhide and mumbled a rude comment about the Council just softly enough that only Chromia heard him, she gave him a swift jab to the middle which immediately quietened him. Whether they liked them or not the Galactic Council was integral to maintaining intergalactic balance to ensure more advanced civilisations, like theirs (but not exclusively theirs), didn’t colonise and destroy everyone weaker. The council was a harsh bunch in the grand scheme of things, but understandably so and Optimus hoped to stay in their relatively good graces by staying as far away from their sectors as possible. Ironic considering how they were now right smack in the middle of their territory.

Beside Ironhide, Chromia frowned in worry ‘Wouldn’t an energy signature as powerful as a space bridge pick up on their scans?’

Prowl nodded seemingly expecting this concern to be brought up ‘Normally yes, but if one thing was working in our favour it was a large radioactive meteorite on the other side of the galaxy that Wheeljack calculates _just_ covers our space bridge signature especially if they were not looking to begin with.’

‘Hope so.’ Muttered Chromia, worries only mildly pacified by the inventor’s theory. Optimus meanwhile studied the map of the galaxy, known locally as the ‘Milky Way’. What was a Milky anyway? ‘Well that explains why our scans don’t match the database’ He began quickly pushing thoughts of possible etymology for the galaxy’s name out of his processor ‘But that doesn’t explain our next topic; How did we get here?’

‘Yeah! What’s up with that? We were supposed to open a space bridge, let Megatron follow us to Star Saber’s set up, team up with the Star-man and his gang, deliver the final blow to the old crazy bucket head then help Star Saber deal with the lovely loony Deathsaurus and the other straggling Decepticon war lords?’ Chimed Jazz.

‘That…’ Began Prowl turning to look uncertainty at Wheeljack then back at his datapad. ‘We have a theory.’ Optimus knew that guilty look, and so did Ratchet, and by the displeased rumble of his medic’s engine told Optimus Ratchet was already aware of whatever happened.

Surprisingly, Wheeljack came to Prowls rescue speaking up for him. ‘See after we plugged in Star Saber’s coordinates and the Ark started to initiate the Space Bridge it automatically diverted some of its power to the engines lowering our shields strength. Can’t make a Space Bridge without power!’ the inventor chuckled nervously. ‘Just before we jumped, the _Victory_ hit our engines and kind of scrambled our Transwarp Drive in a bad way. It ended up returning a random coordinate as the jump point and well…We experienced the rest.’

Optimus shot Ratchet a suspicious glance. Waiting for the punchline that would explain the black and white tactician’s slightly shrunken posture.

‘Sorry.’ Interrupted Inferno ‘Red wants to know how we weren’t spotted by the locals when we crashed and honestly, I’ve been doing my head in trying to figure that one out too. Like the Ark ain’t exactly tiny.’

‘Yeah! The Hoo-mans definitely have the equipment to pick up a crash as big as ours! Not to mention the Decepticons.’ Added the orange boombox.

This was where the inventor and tactician exchanged uncomfortable glances.

‘Ok so when I said the Transwarp Drive was kinda scrambled I ment it was **really** scrambled. Like marinated in engex, shoved through the grinder and turned into scrap kind of scrambled, Kind of like Ironhide’s cooking! And when that happened, well… the Transwarp Drive is kinda sort of linked with Teletran – partly. And Prowl here was kinda, sort of, just a little bit, still linked up to Teletran when it all went scrap.’

Optimus couldn’t help glancing at Prowl who’d dropped his guilty head down to look at his datapad to avoid his leader’s optics. ‘Think of it this way, if he wasn’t plugged in then we may not be standing here. And it could have been worse! He could have irreparably scrambled his processor like that other time-’ Thankfully for the inventor’s sake, he remembered to ‘quit while he was ahead’ and abandoned his attempt to elevate the situation. Ratchet bit down on his lower lip and Wheeljack made an uncomfortable sound that was some sort of cross between a cough and a strangled wheeze before he continued.

‘Uughh… Well even though Prowl can’t remember what he was doing when he was plugged in, we were able to retrace his actions and found he was able to detect the incorrect coordinates just as we entered the portal so as soon as we came out of the space bridge portal, he engaged the Ark’s stealth mode hiding us from sight and scanners.’ He paused ‘You’ve gotta give him props for that at least!’

‘Quick thinking my aft.’ Scowled Ratchet ‘When he’s in there he’s practically an extension of Teletran.’ The medic shot another look at the tactician who had the sense to look chastised. ‘And it’s all very well that you can instantly access every piece of data Teletran has but it’s no help to us if you fry your brain doing it!’

Seeing Ratchet prepare to launch into one of his lectures Ironhide decided to change to topic ‘But how did the locals ya know. Fail to notice, oh I don’t know. The giant impact the Ark made when it eventually landed?’ Ratchet shot a look at the old mech that, put into words said: ‘how dare you interrupt me.’ Ironhide raised an optic ridge telling the medic to drop it for now which, surprisingly, the medic did.

Wheeljack’s optics brightened at Ironhide’s question ‘Now THAT is where things get a little unclear. We encountered numerous errors in Teletrans logs that just did not match up to anything we saw but after cross-referencing that with Prowl’s and Hoist’s findings I can conclude we have been crashing for about six stellar-cycles.’

‘...’

Optimus and the rest of the room minus Prowl and Ratchet stared at the white inventor for what felt like another 6 stellar-cycles with a mixture of perplexion and disbelief, even Blaster was too dumbfounded to say quipping remarks. It was Ironhide who broke the pregnant pause as he wrinkled his nose ‘Wheeljack.’ He began ‘Now you get up to some real weird slag. But _this._ Explain this.’

And explain the inventor gladly did ‘The moment we entered this galaxy, Teletran-1, and by extension Prowl, ran a scan to identify where we were and happened to locate a satellite orbiting the planet. Teletran worked it’s magic and identified from the satellite’s records that the current stellar-cycle, or year as the locals call it, was 2001 by this planet’s dating methods. When we crashed, I had Teletran run the scans again and it returned the year 2007!’ The scientists head fins were flashing with such bright enthusiasm it was a small wonder if the lights would blow from excitement. 

Optimus put a servo to his helm. This was going to be another one of those explanations wasn’t it? By no means did he feel he was an unintelligent bot but sometimes the ridiculousness he found themselves in made him question even the most basic of things. ‘Yes, but _why_ and _how_ were we crashing for so long?’ he stressed.

‘Our theory is that after Prowl found that the planet was inhabited and under the Galactic Council’s protection, he inadvertently told Teletran to try get us out of there. By this point the Transwarp Drive is severely malfunctioning and setting off a chain reaction of all sorts of nasties throughout the Ark and all Teletran knows is it needs to get out of here but it also knows the Ark is too damaged for that, and remember we’ve still got the _Victory_ attached to us.’

The Prime nodded. They’d get to their enemy soon. ‘Carry on Wheeljack.’ He said to keep the other from veering off track.

‘Right. You know how a Space Bridge works, or at least an idea how?’

‘Yep, It’s kinda like a tunnel through the extradimensional realm of time and space. Like a sneaky little shortcut across the stars, our own little secret tunnel.’ Offered Jazz.

‘Time! YES! Exactly!’ Wheeljacks head fins were now flashing rapidly in excitement ‘What the Transwarp Drive did when trying to get us out of this galaxy was create a space-time distortion around us as we crashed. Essentially! We time travelled by being trapped in and out of the unspace! And that’s not the end of it. We didn’t crash! Oh no! We essentially teleported, or phase shifted **into** this mountain!’ He looked around with overly bright optics as his audience took in his explanation and was disappointed to see little response other that baffled optics and bewildered blinks.

‘Come on! How could you not find this fascinating? _No one_ has been able to figure out time travel and the only one that’s been able to even sniff it was Tarantulus and he disappeared _ages_ ago!’ He exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air before mumbling dejectedly to himself. ‘Nautica would have thought it was cool.’

It was Chromia who tried to voice the concerns of her fellow Autobots. ‘Wheeljack, it **is** very amazing but when you think about it. But for our companions on Cybertron and elsewhere, we’ve been missing for six years.’

The bright sparkle in the inventor’s eyes dimmed. ‘Oh.’ Was all he said settling back down in his seat. Inferno leaned over and gave him a comforting pat on his shoulder.

‘Well WE know what we’ve been doing for the past six years. But what about Megatron? What happened to him and the _Victory?’_ quizzed Blaster, the others around nodded in agreement. What did happen to their arch enemy?

‘For that I have a couple options.’ Said Wheeljack still a little dejected by the lack of awe in regard to their time travelling revelation. ‘The first being that _our_ busted Transwarp Drive affected _their_ Transwarp Drive in the same way that made us crash for six years. Only when the _Victory_ broke off it ended up landing elsewhere. Where I cannot tell but they’re around somewhere for sure. Probably in some secluded spot away from the locals. My second theory is they they’re still in the process of ‘crashing’ somewhere in their own space-time distortion bubble, no idea when they’ll be popping back into reality. My third theory is that our Transwarp Drive’s distortion bubble blipped them out of our plane and trapped them in the unspace and my fourth theory is they just simply blew up in their own space distortion and we don’t have to worry about them ever again-’

‘Actually, they’re alive and active.’ Interrupted Prowl finally interrupting his self-imposed silence of shame and cutting off the inventor from getting too ahead of himself. ‘Hot Rod reported sighting two Decepticons to the far southwest of our location. We do not know their location other than it’s not on this Island.’

‘Island?’ echoed Ironhide. He’d been busy shifting debris and digging out the buried halls of the Ark for the past 7 solar-cycles and hadn’t had the time to scrutinise the dingy planet they’d landed on. Yet.

‘Yes. Hound will you please report your findings?’ replied Prowl.

‘Umm sure.’ Said the green scout. ‘Turns out we crashed, sorry, teleported into a small mountain on a tidal island off the coast of two intersecting borders. Seems like neither country ‘owns’ this island and have classified it as a ‘conservation reserve’. These reserves seem to be bits of land set aside to protect the environment and have significant natural or cultural heritage value.’

‘So, like a hot spot? That kinda significance?’ asked Inferno raising his hand again. Inferno was never comfortable with standing-in for Red Alert at these meetings. Never figured out the level of formality, and he wasn’t a very formal mech.

‘Exactly that kind of value.’ Responded Hound ‘This particular reserve is called Charity Reserve off the west coast of the landmass the humans call ‘North Uh-merry-ka.’ The two countries we sit on the boarder of are called Canada and ‘ _You Ess Aye’?_ ’ Hound gave a small awkward shrug. ‘I don’t think it translates well. They have a lot of languages and some languages even have sub-strands and dialects? Truth be I’m struggling to grasp my head around it.’ The green scout laughed. ‘As for the terrain, what you see outside is what you’ll get around here. Dirt, trees, water and a couple smaller wildlife-’

‘Ahh Red said he has something about the local languages.’ Interrupted Inferno his hand going up again. ‘Said the most commonly spoken languages seem to be English and Mandarin. But locally they mostly speak English here.’ The red mech paused as he received another message from his fellow security mech ‘And he’s no Magrada but said he’ll probably be able to put together a basic language pack for English in about 2 solar-cycles if Blaster helps him with it. Until then we’ll just have te rely on Teletran-1’s translator and err… ye know how well that goes with planets that have little data recorded.’

‘Excellent work Red Alert.’ Said Optimus not quite sure which camera he should look to. In the end he choosing to nod to the one by the door.

‘Yeah Red! Way to go at being on top of things!’ Cheered Jazz and Blaster gave a thumbs up to one of the cameras. Inferno put a hand to the side of his head and grinned widely. ‘Said he’s just doing what needs te be done Prime.’ He let out a low chuckle ‘I think ya’ll are embarrassing him- Ah… He’s telling me off for telling that.’

Ironhide and Jazz laughed heartily while the rest did their best to show some form of control save for Prowl who didn’t seem to know how to react to the situation. Inferno let out a grin that conveyed that not too much damage had been done to the wellbeing of their easily embarrassed head of security.

‘Prime if I may.’ Spoke up Hound as the chuckles died down. ‘Once Red and Blaster have prepared the language pack, may I request to scout out the mainland?’

The Prime expected this ‘Certainly. It should also give us the opportunity to update Teletran’s records of this planet.’

‘What is this planet called anyway?’ asked Chromia. ‘Hot Rod’s been calling it Planet Yuck Muk and it’s beginning to stick.’ Another round of snickering from around the table.

‘In English they call this planet Earth.’ Reported Prowl. ‘Prime, if it’s alright with Red Alert, I’d like to also assist him with creating the language pack. I feel I may be able to shift through the data Teletran pulls from the humans’ databases much quicker.’

Before Optimus could even decide on an answer Ratchet spoke up for him. ‘No! Your off duty for the next couple solar-cycles, and if I see you touch Teletran’s control panels I’m putting you in stasis.’ The medic was clearly still upset with the tactician who’d shrunk again slightly under Ratchets frown. Optimus gave Prowl a sympathetic look, but Ratchet was right. As quick as Prowl was at sorting data using Teletran-1, there were dangers in doing so too.

‘Listen to Ratchet Prowl, please. Besides Red Alert and Blaster are more than competent in making the pack though I’m sure he appreciates your offer.’

A thumbs up from Inferno confirmed as much.

‘If Hound is thinking about going out into the local’s territory then I think a change of looks is in order.’ Grinned Jazz changing the subject, his visor sparkling. ‘I’ve been looking at some of the local vehicles and we can simply do a scan and drive amongst them. No holomatter avatar mess involved.’

‘Oh thank Primus.’ Said Blaster ‘I hate the ringing it leaves in my processor. Can’t hear myself think!’

Chromia let out a murmur of agreement ‘Last time I had to use one the locals told me I looked like their equivalent of slag.’

Beside her Ironhide placed his hand over hers ‘Well I think you look gorgeous.’

‘Please keep the flirting out of the meeting room.’ Sneered Wheeljack as the two in question made eyes at each other ‘Don’t want to catch your oogies. Besides, Brainstorm and I fixed the holomatter avatar program so even if we didn’t conveniently land on a planet with suitably scannable vehicles, we should be good to go!’

There was an exchange of sceptical whispering between Blaster and Chromia and Optimus decided it was a good point to conclude their meeting. ‘Alright Autobots. Our next plan of action will be to learn more about this planet and locate the Decepticons. Detain them and figure out a way off this planet?’

Jazz tilted his head at the last part. ‘May be a bit hard to ‘detain’ them if we also wanna keep our cover from the locals.’

‘We have to try.’ Urged Optimus, he knew he was asking for a near impossible task. Megatron wasn’t exactly known for his subtlety, but maybe if the Decepticon leader was aware of the dangers of the Galactic Council, he’d try to be a bit stealthier.

Who was he kidding? This was Megatron. Maybe the Megatron he knew long ago, but not the Megatron of now. They were practically two different mechs.

‘I got a question Prime.’ Said Jazz interrupting his thoughts ‘If we may all be possibly heading out into the local’s territory, does that mean we should scan local alt-modes for everyone?’

‘Of course Jazz, could you oversee that? Oh, and can you ask Mirage to tail Hound when he goes to the mainland. I am uncomfortable with him being sent into such unknown territory alone and Mirage’s ability be most useful.’

His second in command let out a wild grin. ‘You can ask him yourself Prime.’

The Prime, along with everyone else in the room flashed their optics around the room as Jazz let out a burst of laughter. Optimus also noticed Hound biting down on his lip as he turned to face away from the table.

‘Slag Mirage. You here?’ said Ironhide frowning trying to find any tell-tale signs of the spy.

‘He’s definitely here.’ Confirmed a grinning Hound. Beside him Inferno had a hand pressed to an audial, obviously being bombarded with numerous messages from an angry Red Alert who was no doubt checking ever scanner he had in the room to locate the spy.

‘Mirage.’ Began Inferno. ‘Red said ye’re not te go to meetings ye’re not invited to. And…’ The red mech winced, probably from the fury of the security director. ‘He also said he was serious about planting a tracker on ya.’

The was an exasperated disembodied sigh from the door, which had everyone’s head turning followed by a ‘Seriously Jazz?’

Jazz, who’d finished his chuckles, sat up a bit straighter. ‘Sorry mech, but I can’t authorise you eavesdropping if the boss doesn’t know. Besides Red told me to tell you to stop sneaking around.’

‘Fair enough.’ Said the soft voice.


	2. Chapter 2

‘So?! What are we doing next? We found the Decepticons we’re gonna storm their base and bust them up?!’ Hot Rod excitedly crowded Hounds personal bubble, which was thankfully, for Hot Rod’s sake, not very large.

‘ _We_ are not doing anything.’ Chuckled Hound at the younger one’s vigour, he didn’t know where the young speedster stored it. Not even Bumblebee could match his energy. ‘I’m going to do a little recon on the mainland, and _you_ are going to keep out of trouble and help Prime.’ Since their landing on Earth, Hot Rod had been mostly following under Hounds orders. And while the green scout was mostly fond of the young hothead and didn’t mind the extra set of wheels he also felt a tinge of pity mixed with guilt knowing that Hot Rod was really just being passed around the different divisions like a hot energon goodie. It was a difficult situation; Hot Rod just didn’t have sufficient expertise in any one field, nobody really knew what to do with him.

‘Oh.’ Said the red-orange mech dejectedly. ‘I don’t suppose you need any back up.’

‘I’ll be following close behind if that would set your worries at ease.’

Hot Rod raised an optic ridge as Mirage walked out from the meeting room stopping a space behind Hound. ‘I’m pretty sure…you were not invited to that.’ The red mech said flatly.

‘Maybe.’ Chuckled the blue spy before he turned to Hound. ‘Jazz said to meet him in Wheeljack’s lab in a cycle to start planning your new alt-mode, has a couple options already as I hear it.’

‘Hound’s getting a new alt?’ asked Hot Rod ‘Isn’t that…’ He struggled to find the words. ‘something, something about resources?’

‘We have enough spare parts and equipment if that’s what you’re worries about.’ Frowned Mirage ‘It’s not like a slight alt-mode modification is going to deplete all our resources. We’re not turning Hound into a _plane_ or anything that dramatic.’

‘Don’t think I’d want to be a plane even if I could.’ Chuckled the green scout. ‘I like my wheels firmly on the ground thank you very much.’

‘I see.’ Said Hot Rod who was still a little confused. Hound could see this and tried to hide a pitied smile. ‘Tell you what, why don’t you come down to Wheeljack’s lab and you can see what goes down for yourself. Besides, we’re probably going to all have a change in mode soon enough anyway and Jazz may just have some options for you to see.’

At that the speedster perked up. ‘Cool!’ He said before putting his hand to the side of his head as he listened to an incoming comm message. ‘Ok I’ll meet you there, gotta go, Arcee needs me for something bye!’ and he zoomed off leaving Hound who watched with an amused look and Mirage with a slight sceptic one.

‘Still a bit rough around the edges that one.’ Remarked Mirage.

‘As expected, Kid’s been tossed from one mentor to another and at no one’s fault mind you.’

‘Still…’mumbled the spy ‘There are some things that are just so…’ He didn’t finish his sentence. ‘I’ll see you later Hound.’ With that, Mirage blinked out of sighed retreating to his preferred appearance-less form.

******

Prowl sat on the narrow recharge slab, hands in his lap twiddling his fingers, he then stood abruptly and looked to the door then to Teletran-1’s control panel. It was so tempting. He sat down again. That was the problem with doubling one’s living quarters as your work room. Prowl’s original quarters had long since been transformed into an additional storeroom and was now currently mostly filled with rock and debris from their crash, teleport, landing, or whatever it really was.

He stood up and sat down again 3 more times. It was really tempting to sneak in a bit more work but both Ratchet and Optimus had said no, and while ever now and then he did, he really wasn’t a big fan of disobeying them. Besides he didn’t presently have anything else to do, typically he’d sit with Ratchet or one of the other officers he was more comfortable with, but everyone was busy doing things. **He** should be doing things! Not doing…whatever it was he was currently doing. Indecisively standing and sitting.

He looked at the control panel. Was the risk of Ratchet’s irate worth it? Probably not, Ratchet being unhappy with him was almost as bad as disappointing Optimus, but still he slowly crept towards the main controls. It was too tempting. With every step he felt the anticipation that old medic would burst through the door at any moment rise, or at least that what he thought he felt. He wouldn’t plug into Teletran; no, the back of his mind still had a faint ache from the last time he’d been plugged in, and for far longer than was deemed safe too, and that was 7 solar-cycles ago. He’d just look up a couple things. Surely that would be fine.

Prowl cautiously typed on the keys entering the passcode then brought up an article on the local governing system. Just as he did there was a knock at his door.

‘Prowl, I’m coming in.’

Prowl knew that voice anywhere, one of the first voices he’d ever heard and also the one voice he’d really hoped not to hear at that moment.

Frantically he shutdown the Teletran-1’s terminal and stumbled back to his recharge slab grabbing a data-album, one of his few possessions, from the shelf above and did his best to appear as unguilty as possible, not that he knew how.

The door opened and Ratchet stepped in. ‘Prowl I-‘ He stopped to gauge the smaller black and white. He raised an optic ridge and continued as if he didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. ‘I know you haven’t gone outside the Ark yet and I think you’re in need of a change of scenery.’

‘Oh.’ Was all Prowl said hoping Ratchet wouldn’t turn around and see the small blue blinking light from Teletran-1 that gave away that it was in the final stages of shutting down.

‘I’ve asked Ironhide if he’d take you to look around the area outside the Ark. Nothing too adventurous but sometimes seeing with your own optics is a little different from looking at a screen.’

Prowl really hopped Ratchet didn’t notice that the chair at the terminal wasn’t tucked in. He always tucked in his chair. Whenever it wasn’t was usually because he’d fallen out of said chair.

‘So if you don’t mind I’d like you to come with me to the medbay so I can check your tires.’

Prowl looked up at the oh so familiar face of Ratchet. It’s changed a little with the various upgrades and battle scars over the many stellar-cycles but it was still the same face, the first face he saw. Ratchet bend down and took the album from his hands…and turned it right way up.

‘You can look at that later.’ Said the medic in an all too knowing tone.

******

Wheeljack’s lab was a mess, and this time it was not entirely his fault. As a general rule, Wheeljack did try to keep a neat workspace, he did really! It was just that there were so many little ‘accidents’ that it felt like the lab was more often in a state of disaster than not. The crash, or landing had resulted in most things in the Ark to go tumbling topsy turvy, including his lab, and Wheeljack simply didn’t have time to neaten things out. He’d spent most of his time the past few solar-cycles helping Ratchet in the medbay or with Hoist in the engines.

Currently Wheeljack was rummaging about trying to sort out what he didn’t and didn’t have for an alt-mode change so that he could cross reference with Ratchet whatever they needed to come up with. Jazz meanwhile flipped through a series of vehicle blueprints on the screen. He’d narrowed it down to about 5 options the thought best suitable. All of them off-road types with a bulky-ish look which he knew also fitted Hound’s personal preference. There was a polite knock at the door and the green scout himself entered followed by Hot Rod.

‘Hot Rod wanted to see.’ Was the explanation Hound started with but Jazz held up his hand to stop him. ‘All cool mech. Why don’t ya take a seat over there Rodders?’ The second in command pointed to a lab stool just a little away from the chaos that Wheeljack had created in his sorting.

‘Alright so I got these for ya.’ Jazz handed Hound the control and leaving him to browse through the choices then turned his attention to the young speedster now perched on the stool looking a little out of place. ‘So what ya here for then?’ He asked good naturedly, he’d been told in confidence by Chromia that Hot Rod was ever so slightly intimidated by him and hoped to try change that opinion. Or at least try to. He had no idea where Hot Rod got that impression of him from.

‘Was wondering about scanning alt-modes. Sir’ The title was hastily added.

‘Hmmm…I don’t believe that ya ever had ta do a scan before have you?’ asked Jazz

The perched mech shook his head. ‘Never been on a planet I had to hide on. I got some cosmetic changes though, armour upgrades and the likes but that about it.’

‘Well now this here ain’t that different. The main difference being we gotta scan the blueprints for a new alt then upload it inta here.’ Jazz poked the speedsters helm ‘and that lets ya body know if it needs ta transform a different way. Leg goes up instead of around that sorta thing. Any major changes to our plating’s gotta be done manually though.’

‘Oh! So it’s like when you make a little tweak to your frame then? Like if I wanted to add a spoiler I couldn’t just will one into being, I’d have to physically attach it.’

‘Yeah but ya already have a spoiler?’

‘I didn’t always have one.’

Jazz shrugged and decided to leave it at that ‘Hey Wheeljack how’d I do in the explanation department?’

‘You missed a couple key points but that’s the brief of it.’ Replied the inventor not paying full attention.

‘Hey so can I be a truck like Prime?’ pipped up Hot Rod excitedly.

‘No you can’t.’ responded Wheeljack not even looking up ‘Not the right frametype.’

‘Oh.’ Said Hot Rod a little embarrassed ‘So just a car then?’

‘For you? Yes.’ Said the distracted inventor ‘Nothing too heavy or bulky mind. So nothing of Hound or Ironhide’s class, your spark can’t take that amount of mass required.’

‘…mass?’ said the fiery speedster nervously.

‘Maybe you could explain more?’ suggested Jazz seeing the other’s confusion. Wheeljack put down the datapad he was using to check of items and stood to face Hot Rod. It was not the first time Wheeljack found Hot Rod’s questions to be a little strange but he was never one to turn away an inquisitive mind.

‘Alright, you know how each of us when we’re forged, we got an alt-mode. That’s our second form.’

‘Unless you’re Springer and got 2 alts.’ Interjected Hot Rod who quickly bit his lip realising he interrupted and muttered a low ‘sorry.’. Wheeljack waved his hand in reassurance to show he didn’t mind too much. He did it all the time anyway.

‘Unless you’re Springer. So you got you’re alt and that generally dictates what kind of form you can take. Example, you were forged a car so your options for alt-mode changes are well…cars. Specifically, cars that are within your spark-mass capacity.’

There it was again. That word that made Hot Rod nervous, mass.

‘Now I don’t want to be giving away any private information. Some bots can be a little touchy in regards to their alt-mode.’ Continued Wheeljack ‘But think of it like this. Your spark-mass capacity is less than Hound’s; so those blueprints.’ Wheeljack pointed to the screen ‘absolutely useless to you even though you’re more or less the same frametype. Likewise, there would be alt-modes that _you_ can access that Hound can’t, specifically alt-modes that would be significantly lighter than what’s his spark-mass capacity average because where’s he going to put the extra mass? There’s a bit more to it but that’s the bare bones of it unless you want to get into the more technical side of things. Oh and I haven’t even begun to talk about mass-displacement, load-bearers, total reformats. AND MINICONS! Don’t even get me started on minicons.’

Hot Rod decided he didn’t want Wheeljack to start on minocons but he did have a couple other questions.

‘What _are_ my Earth alt-mode options then?’

To that Wheeljack looked to Jazz. ‘Haven’t got around ta looking at any alts for anyone else yet mech.’ Reported the second in command.

‘Not even for Mirage?’ asked Hot Rod surprised ‘Isn’t he going with Hound?’

‘Yes, but he’s gonna use that fancy outlier ability of his and stay all nice and hidden so he doesn’t need an Earth disguise just yet.’

‘Besides.’ Added Wheeljack ‘Adjusting Mirage’s alt-mode is a pain. It’s already so hard because his spark-mass capacity is so low. I don’t even want to think about how we’re going to find an appropriate Earth alt. Prowl too! He’s also annoying to make any changes to his frame.’

‘Does having a low spark-mass capacity make things harder?’ asked Hot Rod nervously.

‘Sometimes. Mostly in the armouring department. The higher a spark-mass capacity the more armour I can add to them, less means well…’ he gave a shrug at the obvious end to his sentence.‘Perceptor and I were working on a new alloy composition that would be stronger and lighter but…Well what can you do I suppose.’ Another shrug.

‘How do you test someone’s spark-mass capacity?’ Asked Hot Rod

‘Well that’s typically done by our loving doc bot and involves a couple little examinations, nothing too unpleasant. Alternatively, you could always pick up a mech and see how far you can throw them?’ The inventor’s head fins flashed rapidly as he laughed.

‘Jazz I think I’ll go with this one.’ Said Hound speaking up suddenly, Hot Rod had forgotten he was there. Jazz rounded a pile of whatever to take a better look at the Earth vehicle the green scout had chosen. It was a kind of car the hoo-mans called a ‘Jeep’, a relatively new model only being released as of the last hoo-man year during the thing they called ‘August?’ Or at least that was what Jazz understood anyway. ‘Alright.’ He said turning to Hot Rod ‘We got some business ta do now so I think it’s time for ya to scarper off and be useful.’

The speedster gave an awkward smile ‘I think Bee wanted to see me later anyway.’ He jumped off the stool and replaced his smile with a more characterised grin ‘Thanks for telling me stuff bye!’ He shot out the door without waiting for a reply.

Jazz shook his head. ‘He’s an odd one he is. I don’t know why the Boss bot asked him to come with us.’

Wheeljack and Hound said nothing, silently agreeing with the visored black and white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked my attempt on a brief crash course on the rules of alt-modes. Hope it made sense. Hound chose a Jeep Wrangler (JK) in case you were wondering. It just fits the timeframe.   
> Ever hear those stories of the kid playing on the PlayStation when they're not supposed to but their mom comes in so they quickly turn off the tv screen but you can still see from the light on the machine showing that it's on? Yeah that was basically Prowl here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last thing to set the stage and we’re all set to go to the mainland. This chapter is a bit fillery >:\

Mirage stood to the side watching the smaller red minibot fuss over his sniper rifle. He’d already checked it during his routine morning maintenance but after telling Cliffjumper about the simple recon mission he and Hound were assigned to, the minibot was sent into a quiet panic checking over all of the spy’s equipment.

‘Cliff, really. It was fine this morning.’

‘Yes, but something could’ve happened since then. Dust from the organic stuff or something. Besides if we catch a problem _now_ we’d have more time to sort it later.’ There was little arguing with the minibot.

‘It’s not like I’ve never been on a mission before. Good grief Cliff! I’ve have gone behind enemy lines before!’

‘Yeah but we knew what to expect then. We don’t know anything about this planet!’ said the red mech growing a little bit agitated.

‘We know enough to know we are unlikely to run into anything too dangerous.’ Replied Mirage calmly before adding. ‘I’m not so incapable Cliff. I do know what I’m doing.’

The smaller red mech put down the spy’s rifle and turned to face the taller blue spy. He only came just up to the other’s chest, but his presence always seemed bigger. ‘I know you do.’ He admitted.

Mirage nodded in thanks and awkwardly put a hand on the other’s shoulder. They didn’t really say anything after that.

******

‘Well this is nice isn’t it Prowl.’ Said Ironhide taking in the sights of the peaceful forest. ‘I don’t know what Chromia and Hot Rod are going on about calling it planet yuck muck.’ Behind him, a black and white car prowled closely behind him. Quietly sulking.

‘Tha kids said something about some sorta water feature up ahead, a waterfall? Maybe that’s what they’re talking about.’ Mused the larger red vehicle. Prowl continued to sulk, be it from Ratchet’s gentle scolding or the fact he had to go outside the Ark, it was unclear. Either way it was more than a little unbecoming of the current third in command.

And if cars had eyes, Ironhide rolled them.

******

He stared at the blue and white spy curiously. What Wheeljack had said earlier regarding all the little rules of changing one’s alt-mode rang busily in his head; specifically, what he said about measuring someone’s spark-mass. He’d done some snooping around, pestering Hoist about it. He couldn’t ask Ratchet, he was with Prowl at the time and if there was a single mech on board the Ark that Hot Rod disliked more than Prowl the search would return empty.

What he’d gathered from Hoist was that you could possibly gauge a bot’s spark-mass capacity from their weight or mass. It was one of those words and the moment he put 2 and 2 together, Hot Rod couldn’t get the idea out of his head. Mirage was very lanky, like a toothpick. And if what Wheeljack said about his spark-mass capacity being low was true, Mirage probably didn’t weigh very much.

Mirage was currently standing by Cliffjumper, not unusual. But in the mess hall? Mirage didn’t usually venture here so that was a little odd. Come to think of it, Hot Rod couldn’t think of anyplace Mirage frequently haunted. _‘Probably stays invisible most of the time.’_ Thought the red-orange speedster. He wasn’t wrong. But right now, Hot Rod could see him clear as day.

 _‘You could always pick up a mech and see how far you can throw them.’_ Was what had Wheeljack said.

Why not?

Hot Rod deposited his empty energon cube on the table and strode over towards the unsuspecting spy put his arms out like he was going to give a hug and lifted the blue mech into the air who froze like a discovered cyber-cat. Huh. Mirage really did weigh nothing.

There was a very brief moment where time stood still in the mess hall. The instant that moment past, Mirage let out a startled yelp and blinked out of visible existence followed by an angry charging minibot tackled Hot Rod head on who released the now invisible form of Mirage uttering an ‘OFT!’ as he fell over.

‘OI!’ Shouted Cliffjumper ‘DID’T YOUR MENTOR EVER TEACH YOU MANNERS?’

Hot Rod wanted to say ‘No, they hadn’t taught him a lot of things’ but decided it would be unwise. Instead he opted for a less snide and more stupid but safer response ‘Sorry I was just curious.’

‘ABOUT WHAT?’

Maybe he should have said something else. ‘I was just…’ admitting he was curious about spark-mass capacity probably wasn’t the smartest thing to admit to. He struggled to think of something else. To his luck, or maybe not, Chromia walked in, her timing suggested someone commed her, probably Trailbreaker.

‘What’s happening here?’ She asked sternly giving Hot Rod a look he was all too familiar with. Cliffjumper turned to face the taller light blue femme and opened his mouth to complain about Hot Rod’s abrupt desire to invade his friend’s personal space when a voice each one of them all knew and loved bellowed throughout the Ark.

‘IRONHIIIIIIIIDDDDEE!’

Chromia shook her head. ‘Oh for the love of Primus.’ She muttered. She pointed at Hot Rod ‘You! With me. And you!’ She pointed to Cliffjumper ‘We’ll discuss this later.’

******

Ratchet had just put Hound into medical stasis, ready to begin the tedious process of changing his alt-mode with Weeljack, it wasn’t a too drastic change and Ratchet had done enough frame changes to probably do it with his optics shut, but that would be unsafe. Then Ironhide turned up at his door alongside a sulkier looking Prowl if it were possible. Both of which were covered head to foot with mud. Ratchet could barely see the glass of Ironhide’s windshield and the white of Prowls plating was either grey or brown. A trail of earthy footprints could be seen leading away from the pair.

Ratchet slammed a fist on the table, startling Prowl but Ratchet was too irritated to notice, if he had, he’d would’ve felt sorry about it. ‘You had one job Ironhide! ONE! Explain this!’

‘Well ya see…’ Began Ironhide making eye contact with Wheeljack silently praying he’d intervene. The Inventor did not, opting to ignore what was happening and focus on Hound. He knew better than to get involved. ‘…We were driving’ started Ironhide seeing no help was coming ‘and we got ta this big ol’ lake see. And well, there were these hoppity little buggers jumping about and ah accidentally rolled over one and was about to hit another so ah swerved ta try get outta the way but Prowl was there and he tried ta move but the ground was all…’

Ratchet held up a hand to stop him ‘You rolled over an organic.’ He asked flatly looking him dead in the eye.

‘Umm yeah. Dun worry ah dun think they’re dangerous or nothing. Arcee saw them earlier and I-’

But Ratchet was already pulling at Ironhide shoulder to get a better look at his mud coated tires running a number of scans over the offending wheels. Satisfied with the results, that the organic didn’t seem to infect the red mech with anything particular, he turned to Prowl to do the same scan. Once he finished, he turned both around and pushed them out of the medbay ‘Washracks. Now.’ He commanded.

The old medic bustled the disgraced red, now brown, mech off to the washracks pulling along the third in command as he did so. Wheeljack watched until the three were out of sight then threw his arms up in the air and let out a controlled but still exasperated ‘Argh!’ Hound meanwhile continued to lie on the medical slab in a peaceful stasis blissfully unaware of the chaos.

Wheeljack still had his arms raised when Chromia arrived, probably in search of her conjunx. ‘Where.’ She began but Wheeljack cut her off ‘Ratchet’s got them in the washracks. I wouldn’t bother trying to save him. The doc’s pretty mad.’

‘Wasn’t planning to.’ Was Chromia’s reply. She loved Ironhide deeply but sometimes there were occasions where there was no helping him. This being one of them.

‘Are you going to be changing Hound’s alt now?’ pipped up Hot Rod curiously, still awaiting his judgement.

There was a nod from Wheeljack and Chromia closed the medbay door. She didn’t want an audience for what she had to ask next. ‘And just what in the name of Primus happened in the mess?’ She asked turning to the young speedster.

‘I was…wondering what his spark-mass capacity was.’ The truth was always the correct thing to say to Chromia. It also suddenly seemed very stupid now he said it out loud.

‘Good grief Hot Rod! When I said you can “just pick them up” it was a joke?!’ said Wheeljack in exasperation. ‘And what did I say about bots being touchy about information pertaining to their alt-mode?’

‘I know. I just thought that…nevermind’ Muttered the scolded mech. Chromia shook her head. ‘You gotta think a little bit more than what you did Hot Rod. You know Mirage is rather private and how protective Cliffjumper is, Jazz too gets a bit funny when someone messed with his ops units.’

The mention of Jazz had the bright speedster straightening up looking slightly more alert as if the mention of Jazz’s very name would summon the SIC from the very vents above. ‘Probably should ask to pick him up next time.’

‘You should probably apologise next time you see him.’ corrected the light blue femme.

Wheeljack, who was only feeling just a smidge responsible for the whole incident ‘Well until Mirage shows himself again you can stay here.’

‘Really?’ asked Hot Rod grateful for the offer of sanctuary. 

Wheeljack nodded looking down at Hound, still in stasis. ‘If you two are done then Ratchet or no Ratchet, I’m going to start.’ He announced slightly adjusting his already ordered tools.

******

Optimus had been enjoying a quiet cube of energon when he heard the medic’s angry shout. He’d scrambled out of his office wondering which of his troops he had to save from the medic. Just as he approached the medbay he got a semi-urgent comm from Inferno.

<Yes Inferno?> asked the Prime

<Ah Sir!> Began Inferno sounding a little tired and slightly embarrassed <Red Alert was sleeping and, ugh, woke up cuz of tha shouting and, well that startled him and then when he went ta look at the security footage ta see what’s what he saw some weird tracks inside the Ark.>

The autoboot leader had coincidentally just so happen to come across the weird tracks. It was a trail of muddy footprints leading to the medbay. Nothing to worry about really.

<I see them now Inferno. Please tell Red Alert not to worry, I’ll assign someone to help clean it up.> Probably whoever was responsible.

<Thank you, sir. And if it could be possible sir.> continued Infenro, reporting the muddy footprints was obviously not the point of the conversation. <Could you please request that the crew uses their inside voiced when inside the Ark. Sir.>

The security mech was obviously not happy with the shouter, which was expected. A tired Red Alert was still logical enough to see when he was reading too much into things, but a tired _and_ startled Red Alert… Inferno was probably having a hard time calming down the head of security.

Optimus dragged a hand down his face at the thought of having to confront the medic about his inside voice. <I will try.> was what he offered to Inferno. He couldn’t understand how there was so much drama just before what should be a very straightforward mission.

******

Ratchet had finished chewing out Ironhide and returned to help Wheeljack with the final stages of Hounds alt-mode change. Chromia had left, probably to console her conjunx and Hot Rod had opted to stay in the medbay. To make himself useful so that he wasn’t twiddling his digits, Ratchet had asked the younger red mech to sort out a draw of assorted bolts, scut work really but at least he was doing something. By the time he’d finished sorting two draws the medic and the scientist were bringing Hound out of medical stasis.

‘How does that feel?’ asked Ratchet as Hound sat up

‘Feels fine doc.’ Said Hound rotating an arm ‘Probably take a drive around the Ark to get more familiar with everything before I go to the mainland.’

‘Just stay away from mud’ Said Ratchet with a scowl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mirage weighs roughly between 7000 to 9000 apples in case you were wondering.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get to the mainland!

‘Where are we going again?’ Asked Mirage as he kicked off the water from his legs as best he could. To the casual onlooker it would appear as if water was being sprayed down out of nowhere.

‘We’re going to a Neah Bay. A small hoo-man settlement by the coast about 18 kliks drive away.’ Said Hound standing a little away watching the water and sand fall from out of nowhere. Personally, he didn’t mind the sand too much, so long as it stayed out of his internal workings.

‘Lovely.’ Was the invisible spy’s sarcastic response. ‘More wet. Water’s cold too.’ A strong wave came crashing down on the rocks beside him splashing him completely with even more water. Hound heard Mirage suck in a deep intake and ex-vent very slowly as water dripped off his invisible form. Hound quietly wished he’d had the foresight to bring a towel or some kind of cloth.

‘We’d probably be driving along the roads now away from the sea... I don’t think hoo-mans live on the water, they don’t seem very waterproof anyhow… And I think we’d dry up by the time we reach there though.’ Said the green Jeep sympathetically.

‘Yes, until we have to go _back_ to the Ark _._ ’ Stressed Mirage referring to the sandy pathway that connected their island to the mainland at low tide. ‘Speaking of which, we have to be back here by sundown so we can get back. Else we’d have to stay on the mainland overnight.’ Hound watched a set of wet footprints make their way across the rocky seaside and towards the forest, away from the water.

‘We’ve got time. Practically the entire day-cycle.’ Reassured Hound holding out a hand to help the other over some of the larger rocks, he felt something take his hand (Mirage presumably) followed by the sound of a soft jump. ‘According to the maps Red Alert found of the area, there should be a road somewhere up ahead. Hound squinted at the trees trying to see if the said road was just behind. No dice, the road must’ve been further ahead.

‘Well you’d better change to your alt in case a hoo-man comes by.’

‘I will’ Replied Hound ‘once we see the road. It can be tricky to navigate the through the trees on wheels.’

Mirage made a low hum of acknowledgment.

In an attempt to alleviate his fellow Autobot’s cranky mood Hound continued ‘By the way, did you see the footage of Ironhide covered in mud? I don’t know _what_ he was thinking honestly.’

‘Or what he was _doing_.’ Stressed Mirage ‘Did he roll around in the stuff or something?’

‘Practically. He just missed crashing into Prowl and swerved into the mud, then his wheels got stuck. I think Prowl tried to help but ended up tripping…’ Hound trailed off, that was about as much of the story he knew was confirmed and not Ark gossip.

‘Good grief.’ Said Mirage ‘That would have been Prowl’s first assessment outside the Ark right?’

Hound nodded, ‘I doubt we’ll be seeing Prowl leave the Ark again anytime soon after this.’ It was a problem some of the officers, Hound included, had discussed privately. One that did not seem to have a solution for the time being.

‘I actually haven’t seen door nor wheel of him since the meeting actually. Is he alright?’

‘Probably, we’d know from Ratchet’s mood if he wasn’t.’

‘Fair point. I guess the real question is, is Ironhide alright?’ and to that, Hound laughed.

It was only a couple of paces till the pair found the road that would lead them to Neah Bay and there wasn’t much to say about it. A road was a road.

‘Which way?’ asked Mirage

‘Quickest way is to head south on this road and keep driving along until we reach the hoo-man settlement.’

Mirage eyed the road sceptically. ‘Which side do we drive on?’

‘Uhhh…left I think? Said Hound as he looked up and down the road for any oncoming traffic and hopped over the low metal fence along the road transforming as he did so. Behind him Mirage followed suit.

The road was rather narrow in Hound’s opinion but it’s turns were more or less wide enough that he knew would be easier on Mirage’s alt mode which wasn’t quite so suited to sharp turns and bumpy terrain. It wouldn’t be a long drive, and Hound decided to use the time to try talk to his reclusive fellow Autobot. He hadn’t worked very much with Mirage before, the spy was part of Elita One’s spec ops units before the reshuffle in command in preparation for their departure, and while he would have liked to take in the sights, the trees, ferns and other organic plant life, there would be a more suitable time for that later, and possibly when he wasn’t partnered with someone with a moderate distaste for muck.

‘So…what are your thoughts of the planet so far?’ asked Hound in an attempt to start a conversation.

‘I think the planet speak for itself.’ Sniffed Mirage.

‘Miss home already?’ asked Hound thinking that was the reason for the others dislike towards Earth.

‘Not really. Cybertron stopped being home a long time ago.’ Was Mirage’s matter-of-fact response.

Hound understood that. They’d been locked in war for such a long time. The lives they lived in the tense fragile era of what they called peace seemed so long ago. He himself had quietly grown to despise many of the sights before the war and what they stood for and was secretly glad that they were mostly now gone, but not glad for what replaced them. It was all a rather difficult situation.

‘Anything you miss about it at all?’ asked Hound, it was a rather personal question come to think of it and Hound did not quiet have an answer for himself either. Knowing Mirage’s reputation of being elusive in more ways than just physically he was surprised to hear an answer at all, ‘I miss not constantly worrying that I’m going to get shot at. You?’ Well that was something most generally missed but regardless it was still an answer.

‘I don’t really know.’ Admitted Hound who’d hopped to come up with something by now. ‘I used to enjoy watching people just live their lives… but with everything that was happening at the time it began to feel somehow ingenuine. Like I wasn’t really looking at peace but more so people pretending they were at peace.’ Hound stopped himself ‘Sorry, that’s a bit of a heavy topic.’

‘It’s fine. I understand what you mean.’ Reassured the invisible spy, he sounded as if he had more to say on the matter but was distracted by something up ahead by the side of the road. ‘What is that?’ he asked. The pair pulled over followed by the tell-tale sound of Mirage changing out of vehicle mode, it was a quiet sound and could be even quieter, but Mirage didn’t see the need to be that silent, Hound however stayed in his alt.

It was a metal pole, attached to which was a white rectangular sign with black letters.

 **SPEED LIMIT 30** *

‘What does _that_ mean?’ asked Mirage.

‘You’ve downloaded and unpacked Blaster and Red Alert’s basic English package?’ asked Hound.

‘Yes, it says _“speed limit 30”_. 30 what?’ The spy paused thoughtfully ‘When Ratchet changed your alt did your speedometer get tweaked too?’

Hound made a noise of confirmation ‘The scan added the local speedometer in addition to my cybertronian one. We were going at what the Hoo-mans call “ _40 miles per hour_ ” earlier.’

‘I guess we should slow down a little, not that we were going very fast anyway.’ mumbled Mirage. Hound took a moment to search his memory banks. ‘You did a bit of racing way back didn’t you?’ Mirage nodded, then remembered Hound couldn’t see him and made a confirming ‘hmm’ sound. ‘Cliffjumper told me you hadn’t done any racing in a long time, what happened? Found it wasn’t your thing?’

There was the sound of Mirage stepping over the metal fence by the road followed by the sound of his transformation sequence. ‘I crashed actually. I was winning too much you see, and it upset a group of certain individuals. A couple of strings pulled here and there and the next thing I knew I was in a medbay lucky to still be alive.’ He was quiet for a moment and Hound began to feel sorry he ever brought it up despite not knowing. ‘It can be hard sometimes…to get back into racing after something like that...’ Continued Mirage ‘But that’s in the past. Now shall we get a move on then?’

******

They had driven in relative silence until they emerged from the forest lined road and neared a little cluster of Hoo-man buildings and that was where they encountered their first local. Hound had stopped by the side of the road to check his maps when a Hoo-man driving in a car came rolling up the road towards him. They slammed the horn obnoxiously which startled Mirage not that anyone saw it.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

‘OI GET ON YOUR SIDE OF THE ROAD!’ screamed the Hoo-man sticking their head out the window and making a gesture towards Hound that the Cybertronians could only guess ment something rude.

‘Great gaskets!’ exclaimed Hound in shock as the Hoo-man in the car drove off.

<Hound. Move to the other side of the road. Now.> A direct internal comm from Mirage which the green scout obliged.

<We’re coming up on the Hoo-man settlement so I’m switching to internal comms.> added Mirage settling into ops mode. He wouldn’t be talking to Hound again unless it was to do with their mission, or they were away from the Hoo-man settlement.

<Roger that.> replied Hound thankful that over the years the internal comms system had been gradually refined so that it was not unbearable to use for long stretched of time. Still left a fuzz in some bots heads though.

They drove down the road which was accompanied by a river to the right and Hound thought it was all very pretty. Very alive. Different from the way Cybertron was alive. Cybertron’s structure was ordered and methodical. Organic planets as Hound had come to notice were ordered in a different chaotic nonsensical way. In its own right it was very beautiful.

Then they came up to the Hoo-man settlement itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what the actual speed limit is for that area. All of my knowledge of the bay comes from google maps.  
> Also is this a good length for a chapter or would it be better if they were longer with overall less chapters?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old man yells at car

The first thing Mirage noted about hoo-man settlements was that they were not a species particularly focused on long-term planning for their population. All the dwellings were rather short wither 1 or 2 hoo-man floors high; more or less Hound’s bipedal mode or possibly Optimus’s. He didn’t quite understand the species preference to expand _out_ when they seemed perfectly capable of expanding _up_ and as he understood it, organics tend to reproduce at moderately rapid rates. Or at least faster than waiting for a new hot spot to spontaneously ignite at any rate.

Mirage also didn’t try to hide his disappointment (because no one could see him anyway) that none of the buildings seemed to be like the kind he saw in a series of pictures Jazz showed them; The tall towering ones that reached to the sky. The kinds that reminded him just a little of the cities of Cybertron and slightly better days. He always found it difficult to pinpoint a time in his life what he would consider the ‘best part’. Regardless, the buildings like those in the photographs were probably the kind found in the city, not some small rural town like this one. And speaking of settlement…

<Hound. Suggestion. Before we go in, turn on your attention deflectors.> commed Mirage as another car drove across the road that theirs lead to.

<Righto.> was the scout’s response. As soon as he said so a ripple of dull black washed over his form replacing the glossy dark green with a matte black, the sign the attention deflectors were active, or as Hot Rod called it ‘stealth mode’. Practically all scouts and spec ops units had the tiny attention deflecting nanites equipped, Mirage didn’t have the nanites. Didn’t need them when he had his outlier ability that rendered him invisible and, after an mission gone very wrong just outside the Southern Cybertronian city of Yuss that resulted in Mirage’s outlier powers painfully mutating, was also now practically undetectable to most if not all types of scanners (much to Red Alert’s annoyance). There were some minor drawback however, feeling cold all the time being one of them, but Mirage had gotten used to the drawbacks, mostly.

Hound turned right into the Neah Bay and Mirage followed, practically hugging his rear bumper. There weren’t particularly many other vehicles, but Mirage was still prepared to quickly transform and jump to the side if necessary if another vehicle came up behind him. They turned left into a road up ahead heading towards the shore passing a lot of parked earth cars. It was eerie, like looking at a line-up of corpses. Mirage knew they weren’t alive, but it was still always a little unnerving to see. These vehicles however were much simpler, and their primitiveness made it easier to disassociate them from his fellow Cybertronians. However, that would soon change with the crew of the Ark taking on Earth modes like how Hound did.

<We’ll head to the coast then do a perimeter sweep of the town.> Commed Hound as he made another right turn then a left. If either of them had been expecting some form of excitement (like a wild Decepticon), then they were both disappointed. It took less than 45 kilks to do an entire sweep of the bay town. They did another one a little slower and ultimately concluded that while it was all still very new and, in that regard, quite exciting, it was also quite dull.

Seaside, houses, signposts and some hoo-mans, there wasn’t very much activity to take note off aside from the obvious civilian activities. Well the hoo-mans were at least interesting with all their shapes and sizes and colours. Indeed, they were very colourful; Pink hoo-mans, blue hoo-mans and green hoo-mans… then Mirage remembered that some organic species wore garments and that hoo-mans were one of such organic species. It seemed that they were the only organics on Earth to follow this trend.

Cybertronians personally didn’t have too much of a use for fabric. Mostly it was used as a furnishing; curtains mostly or collapsible shades and umbrellas; tablecloths if one was feeling fancy. They also didn’t have much use for fabric in terms of clothes, maybe a couple ceremonial capes on certain occasions in certain areas. Mirage couldn’t be quite sure it wasn’t quite the circle he mingled with before the war. Fabric did have a place however in certain medical cases or for newly forged bots who haven’t quite developed their ability to regulate their own body temperature in the form of a thermal tarp. It generally wasn’t the kind of item most bots used when they were no longer new. Mirage personally being one of the few that still used one because of the oddities of his mutated outlier abilities and spark. He didn’t always use one, feeling embarrassed about the idea of having to use such a newly forged item, but after falling into recharge and waking up to find himself rolled in a thermal tarp (courtesy of Jazz and Cliffjumper) on numerous occasions, he gave in.

Hoo-mans on the other hand had the stuff everywhere! Their tops, bottoms and on their heads! All bundled up, kind of like how Cliffjumper and Jazz would bundle him up. Aside from their garments, fabric was also on their fluttering banners and on their cars. And on their smaller organics…Pests? No pets! Mirage had seen a four-legged creature called a ‘dog’ with a triangle of fabric around its neck as it was being escorted by its hoo-man owners.

Some of the other organics he saw were white avian creatures with small yellow beaks that made a sharp squawking sound. They were mostly located around what he presumed to be a hoo-man oil house close to the beach. Bird, they were birds. But what kind of bird were they? What sort of function did they have? Maybe Hound knew? He’d ask him later. So far he’d seen a flock of these birds surround a hoo-man who was ordering something from the oil house. The hoo-man waved their arms at them and cried out ‘BEGONE FLYING FEINDS!’

Interesting.

The white birds did scatter away only to return to the oil house when another hoo-man customer came up to the counter.

<I think I’m going to park myself in some here and watch the hoo-mans for a bit.> Decided Hound abruptly over a comm to Mirage. Nobody said recognisance work was all action.

******

_Meanwhile, back at the Ark._

Jazz poked his head around the medbay doors where he found his target and typical residence. He strolled right up towards the unsuspecting medic who had his back turned and cheerfully greeted him with a: ‘Hey there Doc Bot!!’

Ratchet jumped with a start and swiftly elbowed the speaker behind him out of reflex. There was an ‘OOFT!’ and he turned to see the SIC lying on the floor dramatically sprawled with one arm over his face. ‘I told you not to sneak up on me.’ Was all the medic said with a withered look.

‘I’m wounded doc.’ Jazz replied from the floor in mock hurt.

‘No you’re not. That was hardly strong enough to cause you any real injury.’ Was all the medic said offering the other his hand. ‘Bedside’s maybe that’ll finally teach you not to be so sneaky.’

‘Eighhhh. Maybe, maybe not.’ Chuckled Jazz taking his hand. Once up, the medic eyed him up and down just to make sure he really didn’t do any accidental physical damage to the black and white. ‘What do you want anyway?’ he asked after he was sufficiently satisfied.

‘Something Cliff just told me actually. Seems that while tha Ark was crashing, Mirage had another little episode.’

The medics gaze narrowed ‘oh?’ he said in a tone that had two meanings. First was, why wasn’t I told this earlier? And second was, elaborate.

Jazz put a hand up towards the medic ‘Hey now don’t attack me. I didn’t even know until about 1 cycle ago.’ Ratchet eased his gaze and Jazz scratched the back of his head. ‘Cliff said he found him shut up in one of tha supply closets. Probably made his way there when tha warning signs started popping up and didn’t wanna be caught up in the halls. Cliff went looking for him after tha crash and found him, said he was tense to tha point of shaking and had that creepy look where he just stares off inta nothing, tha usually unfortunately.’

Ratchet’s frown returned ‘He knows better than to keep quiet about it.’

Jazz nodded agreeingly ‘Apparently Raj didn’t think it was serious enough ta warrant troubling you considering everything that was going on. But don’t worry I already chewed out Cliff and don’t think I’m not gonna do tha same for Mirage.’

Ratchet folded his arms thoughtfully, he expected that kind of behaviour from Mirage, but Cliffjumper keeping it a secret? Now that was unusual and troubling. He’d relied on Cliffjumper’s paranoia and protectiveness to alert him to any problems regarding Mirage, but it seems that loyalty overrode them this time, and hopefully the last if Ratchet’s future scolding was stern enough. The blue and white spy’s now abnormal spark was prone to what was most closely diagnosed to as spark seizing. It wasn’t exactly spark seizing but many of the symptoms matched. Mirage’s body would ‘lock up’ from intense pain from his spark usually followed by some loss of visual and audio input and drop in body temperature, the latter part not being part of the symptoms of spark seizing. The events of when these episodes took place were quite random and Ratchet had still yet to figure out what exactly triggered them, hence why he wanted the time and place of each episode recorded; to try find a pattern and hopefully prevent Mirage from ever being in a situation where it would happen again.

As if reading his mind Jazz added ‘I think tha whole mess with tha transwarp drive may be a factor. If ya don’t mind my unprofessional opinion.’

Ratchet snorted and poked Jazz on the forehead ‘Unprofessional or not it’s a logical assumption. Admittedly I’m not a fan of him being out without me having done a thorough check beforehand. Only had time to do a brief check and you know that’s not enough.’ Indeed 9 solar cycles was not enough time to do a thorough examination on everyone left on the Ark AND make new parts for those that needed replacements from the crash. Brawn had been without an arm only just 3 solar cycles ago. It also didn’t help that Mirage was skittish about examination and always did his best to try get out o the when he could which was easy to do in this chaos.

‘At least Hound’s with him. He’s worked with Raj a handful of times before, so he knows a little bit about the episodes. So even if Raj does have another episode while he’s invisible he should be alright. If there’s anyone on the Ark that can find invisible things, it’s Hound.’ Said Jazz trying to find something positive about the situation. Ratchet however wasn’t satisfied.

******

<You know Hot Rod’s been looking for you all of yesterday?> Said Hound breaking the silence.

<He was?> asked Mirage dryly. The blue and white spy was getting more than a tiny bit restless with the lack of activity, it also didn’t help that he had to constantly keep his guard up from being in unfamiliar and potentially hostile area. The lack of activity mixed with the anticipation of what could happen was doing no favours to his nerves.

<Wants to apologise for jumping you. ‘cept he couldn’t find you.> Explained Hound

The spy didn’t respond, he wasn’t a big fan of people touching him, and by extension being grabbed and lifted into the air.

<You should at least her him out. Poor kid’s been checking round every corner like the boogybot is gonna jump out at him.>

<I Wouldn’t do that!> Protested Mirage, the one thing Mirage made sure to never do was to purposely go out of his way to use his outlier ability in spite towards another Autobot.

Hound stifled a laugh <It’s not you he’d worried it about, it’s Jazz.>

Ahh. That made much morse sense.

<Well I told Jazz there was nothing to worry about.>

<Tell that to the kid. I swear he was going to bolt when he heard Gears in the vents. Thought Jazz was coming to get the drop on him.>

Before Mirage could respond, a hoo-man in a puffy looking rich blue upper garment and white wispy tufts on their head waved his cane at the matte black jeep also known as Hound.

‘AYE YE YOUNGEND AND YAR BAD PARKING! DON’T YA SE THE LINE!’

The wrinkly looking hoo-man pointed at Hound with his cane ‘YEE HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THE LAW AND ORDER OF LIFE YOU BRAKER OF RULES! MY DOG KNOWS HOW TO FOLLOW RULES BETTER. HE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO SHIT ON THE CARPET!’

<Hound.> Commed Mirage calmly only being able to half translate what he hoo-man was saying <I think it is time we moved.>

The blue clad hoo-man hobbled towards Hound and started beating the Jeep’s tires as he continued to rant about rule breakers and his dog.

<I think so too.> responded Hound starting his engine startling the hoo-man who had thought the car was unoccupied (which begs to question _why_ he was shouting at the car in the first place). Even as Hound and Mirage rounded the street corner, they could still hear the disgruntled shouts of the hoo-man who was probably still waving his stick.

<The deflector nanites worked a charm then.> commented Mirage as he followed Hound across a intersecting road while one of the multiple streetlights flashed red.

<I don’t think they work well on organics.> admitted Hound, really the attention deflectors were primarily designed for observers of a more mechanical structure, so it was anyone’s guess on weather they worked the same on organics. Still at least they should be mostly safe from being picked up by any cameras. 

Hound came to a pause at another road intersection, saw no one actively crossing, but did spy a black and white car parked to the side of the opposite road, and drove across the street while one of the streetlights were once again red.

The moment he crossed the road, the black and white car on the other side of the road ignited it’s engines and it’s lightbar ignited followed by a characteristic ‘WEEE WOOO WEEE WOOO’ that seemed to be a universal sound that was known to all who heard it.

<Aww scrap> commed Hound as the black and white car quickly sandwiched the much larger Jeep to the side of the road. Hound had no intention of drawing any sudden movements and attracting any more attention to himself. He’d deal with this calmly.

<HOUND! What are you doing?!> Mirages comm was practically a hiss.

<Don’t worry I got this. I’m just gonna talk to him, straighten it all out.> reassured Hound.

<You and what holomatter-avatar? Wheeljack found a last Klik bug in it just before we headed out?!>

<You’re forgetting my hologram projector!> Mirage could practically hear the grin in Hound’s voice.

A hoo-man got out of their car, no doubt some form of enforcer of sorts. He wore a pair of shades and an impressive bristly moustache. A nametag on his chest read out ‘LARRY BLART’. Strange designation.

‘Well well well.’ Said the Hoo-man probably known as Larry Blart ‘Running a red light are we? Well we’ll have none of that in my Bay.’ The Larry Blart pulled out a pad and a pen and scribbled something down. Then he tapped at Hound’s dark tinted windows. ‘Those windows too. Not up to code. Much too dark.’ The hoo-man ripped out a paper and continued to scribble down ‘AND no licence plate?’ the moustache hoo-man tapped on Hound’s window ‘Hey open up will you. Or you’ll be in more trou- what?’

Hound had wound down his driver seat window to reveal a wrinkly hoo-man in a puffy rich blue garment.

‘OLD MAN STEVE?’

‘Good cycle officer!’ said Hound through the hologram of Old Man Steve. It was jarring to hear Hounds voice come from the hoo-man’s mouth.

‘YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A LICENCE?’ Exclaimed the a very confused Larry Blart.

Mirage could have face palmed. Of course Hound had to choose the only hoo-man that seemed to know this hoo-man. Perfect.

Hound, realising this decided it was time to leave and played a recording of Old Man Steve to distract the hoo-man Larry Blart.

‘AYE YE YOUNGEND AND YAR BAD PARKING! DON’T YA SE THE LINE!’

The hologram of old man Steve awkwardly moved his mouth out of synch with the audio recording. Holograms really worked best when they were mostly stationary.

The enforcer hoo-man was taken aback and spluttered in flabbergasted shock.

<Hound. Time to go.> Ushered Mirage.

<Oh I know.> commed Hound as he wound up his window and hastily drove off leaving the hoo-man to scramble back to his car. Put on the siren once again and take of after them in hot pursuit.

Sometimes recognisance work was a bit of action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Larry Blart a relation to Paul Blart? No comment.  
> We'll talk about the mission gone wrong at Yuss another time.


End file.
